July 31, 2013 - Never Stop Learning

Despite returning from Ohio around midnight last night, I went ahead and headed up to Plymouth, IN for an education conference today.  I didn't get as early a start as I would have liked, but I was able to get to the event in time to meet two objectives.  First, I wanted to sit in while my organization's math guru did a workshop and be a participant.  Secondly, I wanted to meet with some of the teachers from one of the schools that I work with.  I was able to do both and get back home in time to catch the end of supper with my husband's grandparents and aunts and uncles.
On the way home, I had a conversation with one of my family members.  They expressed that they were really happy that one of my cousins was staying home to raise her children and not going back to work until they were grown because she could always work later but the children would just be around for a short while.  It was apparent that this relative was displeased with our family's choice that I would work.  While I agree with some of that reasoning, I also know that in my profession, taking a few years off isn't a very realistic option.
To keep up with the changes in legislation and be in tune with the landscape of education, one has to be a player in the game.  If I were in the service industry, perhaps I could jump in and out without losing a step.  I already made one sacrifice for my career when I left teaching, knowing that I would likely never see a classroom as a teacher again because I cost too much for districts to hire.  I also don't think that many people understand that my other option in education (as an administrator) would be more time consuming than my current job.  While I do have some travel, the rest of the time I do work from home, which allows me to be somewhat flexible in how I maintain my hours.  I would be living at the school if I were an administrator, and never see my husband or child.  In an ideal world, one of us parents could just jump out of our job and take care of the child.  However, we have student loans to pay off and we both have very good jobs in a somewhat tricky economic climate and I have built a lot of social capital in relation to my field that I will lose if I were to leave the game.
Even today, I traveled 3 hours from home because I WANTED to learn more and because I needed to establish trust with one of the schools that I am working with.  I knew that my son was going to be taken care of and I would get back home in time to play with him and tuck him into bed.  If I could take him with me to these conferences  I would, but until that day he is going to go to his own version of school and learn social skills and how to interact with other children... things that I can't provide for him at home. 
I know that my mom had to wrestle with pressure from people who thought that a woman should only stay home and that she should be a housewife and give up her nursing career.  I am thankful that she didn't do that.  She was and is a great role model for me and I am thankful for her sacrifices that she made to provide all that she did for me because she worked so hard. 

July 30, 2013 - Change/Loss

The moving truck drove away from the North Olmsted house today, and the dreams that I had for what sort of life I would have in the town went with it.  While I never really wanted to live here for a long time, I wonder if one year was enough.  Change = Loss.  Even though we prayed to move back "home" to where we had grown up, we had started to make this place our home.  It was sad to say goodbye to the neighbors and church friends today.  They are the only neighbors that our son has ever known and they welcomed him with gifts and visits from the day we brought him home.

One of the neighbors is a WW2 vet who is widowed and lives a few doors down.  About a month ago, he had a yard sale and I noticed a painting that he had for sale.  He told me that his wife had purchased most of the stuff in his home and he had no idea how much it was worth.  I looked up the artist and couldn't find anything.  I went back to his house and told him that I had no idea what it was worth, but that it was very pretty.  I haven't stopped thinking about that picture since, so today I went down and offered him $50 for it and he sold it to me.  He said he had a lot of his wife's stuff to still go through, even though she had been gone for some time.  I hugged him and thought that this would likely be the last time I would ever see this man.  I wanted to put him in the moving truck, along with the rest of the nice neighbors and our house and take them with me.
During the long drive back to Putnam County, I had a lot of time to reflect on the people, places, and opportunities of the past year.  I made a lot of good memories in my year in North Olmsted, and I have to look forward to the good times to be had here in Putnam County.

July 29, 2013 - Life in a Box

The movers packed all of our stuff up today.  Everything was packed into boxes, and I mean EVERYTHING. When my mom and I came back later to eat supper and get ready to go to sleep, there wasn't anything to drink out of or cut a cucumber with.  My mom's bed didn't have sheets or a pillow anymore, and every type of cleaning agent or tool was also put away.  The only thing that didn't get packed was the vacuum and the stuff on my bed and my son's bed.
As we were killing time, waiting for them to get finished, we went shopping.  We visited all the consignment and second-hand stores in the area, then went to the West Side Market, then went to the mall. We also visited World Market and Ollie's, which is a local version of Big Lots.
Overall I felt a lot of sadness today.  I was just getting over moving out of Irvington and to this area when we found out that we were moving back to Putnam County.  There are a lot of things that I am really appreciative of around North Olmsted.  Both of our next door neighbors stopped to talk with us today and express how thankful they were to have had us as neighbors and how sad they were to see us go.  After living in Putnam County for a month, I realize how very nice the roads are around here and how easy it is to get to everything.
We also took some time to stop by the Starbucks down the street.  The baristas that work there were so nice to me when I first moved to town and didn't have internet at home.  I set up my office quite a few times in their store while I was pregnant.  The one barista was named James and we joked that I named my son after him.  They had seen me go through a huge life event, and now I might never see them again.

I honestly wondered if we were doing the right thing in moving back.  I know that we are, but I wish I could have this neighborhood in the location where we are moving. 

July 28, 2013 - Final Drive to CLE

In order to get our stuff moved to Putnam County, I had to get back in the van and drive up to North Olmsted today so that I can meet the movers tomorrow.  I was accompanied by my mother and son on this trip, and we intend to enjoy the last few days we will likely ever spend together in this city.  Arriving at the house made me sorta sad.  I think that "You don't know what you've got until its gone" is very true.  My husband picked a really nice home and neighborhood for us to live in here, and now we are moving to a place where we have family and old friends, but I don't really know what to make of the neighborhood where we are moving because there isn't really one.
Mom and I ate at the Cambodian restaurant that is just down the road from the North Olmsted house and then came back to the house to watch my son play.  This is the only home that he has known, and even though he is just a baby, it makes me sad to know that he will probably never see this place again. 

July 27, 2013 - Pageants

Walker was in a baby contest today.  He won "Prettiest Eyes" in the 7-12 month boy category.  I don't think we will ever do a pageant again.  It was bizarre.  I really don't know why we did it other than the fact that my husband was insistent that we take him.  It was somewhat fun, and he won a prize.  It cost us about $11 to find out we have a cute kid.  I could have told people that for free.

July 26, 2013 - Tractor Pulls and Babies

My son is not quite ready for the noise of a truck pull.  After a day of work and then meeting up with my dad to head back to the last night of the fair, we spent $20 to get into a truck pull that I only stayed at for about 10 minutes.  I have never seen Walker want his daddy as much as he did when that truck started moving with the sled.
The livestock auction was more my son's style, and I briefly contemplated staying around to buy a pig, but then decided to just call mom for a ride home.  She came and grabbed us and we headed back to her house.  This ended up being the first of many nights, I'm sure, where our son fell asleep at grandmas and stayed the night while we went home.
I want my son to have the kind of experience that I had with my grandparents.  I loved being able to walk to their house through the field, enjoyed getting on the bus at their house, and just appreciate that they were always there. 

July 25, 2013 - Anniversary

Heidi Ross 9/2/80-7/25/98

15 years goes by in the blink of an eye.  That is how long it has been since my sister, Heidi, died of complications of lupus.  15 years.  Someone at the fair this week asked me how she was doing, to which I answered "Well.  She is not with us anymore."  The lady apologized and said that she had just forgotten and it just seemed like she should be there.... at the fair.  I would agree.  There are just a few places where the memory of my sister permeates.  The Putnam County Fair is one of those places for me.  There isn't an inch of that fairgrounds that she didn't walk on.  There are only a couple of the barns that didn't hold her animals. Nearly every project in the 4-H hall was one that she participated in at one time or another (we once freaked our mom out by signing up for something like 15 projects each one year).  We both had jobs at the fair in an ice cream stand and at Wilma Chadd's tenderloin stand.  She even won a prize at the fair the week after she died, as other 4-Hers showed her chickens for her.  The bidders at the auction made her meat pen of chickens the highest priced chickens anyone has ever heard of (all the money went to the Lupus Foundation).  Heidi loved the fair, and it loved her back.
Knowing that today would be a tough day for my parents, I called them and told them that they could grab my son from daycare whenever they wanted.  They took me up on the offer, so I also got to spend some time with them tonight and watch them love on their grandson.  It is still sinking in that I live pretty much around the corner.  I don't think that they are sick of us yet, and I am glad that I am going to be near for every July 25 from here on out.  

July 24, 2013 - Showmanship

At most county fairs, there is a contest held where a competitor from each of the major 4 legged animal barns shows all of the 4 legged animals one time over the course of a night.... and they call it a showmanship contest.  In 1971, my mother became the first woman to win this contest in Putnam County.  It was a big deal to win then and it still is today.

In order to win, you have to know how to handle sheep, pigs, goats, cattle, and horses in addition to knowing how to show them and answer questions about them.  For those people who haven't ever been to a show, it might be hard to believe that such efforts would be difficult or even worth judging. 

Today I got to watch the next generation of our family show sheep and compete in the showmanship contest for the first time.  My cousin's son is a first year 4-Her and the whole family came to see him show his ewe and ram.  He did a great job today, despite the fact that he didn't get the award for best rookie showman.  You could tell he had worked with his sheep and really practiced showing them in advance.  

My grandparents would be so proud of him today.  They were pioneers and then the cornerstone of sheep breeding and showing in this part of the country for years.  My grandfather imported the last British Suffolk ram in the 1950s and then maintained a perfect bloodline until his death in 2006.  My grandmother was the head sheep nurse and helped promote the farm.  She also hosted many a buyer in the dining room during the course of a sale.  The sheep barn at the fair still has many people in it who owe their participation to my grandparents.  My grandfather worked as a sheep judge all over the Midwest when he or my mom and aunt weren't showing their own sheep.  He also served as the superintendent of the Indiana State Fair sheep board and ran the sheep breeders association for our county for a few years.  

I only showed for a few years out of my 10 years in 4-H, mainly because I didn't have the time but also because my allergies were really bad.  However, I always wanted to be that supreme showman like my mom had been.  I had learned all about showing from sitting in the stands near my grandfather and mother during the showmanship contest growing up.  I never got a chance to be the supreme showman, but I have a feeling that today I saw a boy who might get a shot at getting the title back in the family.  

July 23, 2013 - Mailboxes and Memories

I walked to get my mail out of the mailbox today.  As I made my way towards the box, I realized that I haven't had to do this since the summer of 1996.  I have been able to sit inside of my house or reach right outside of my front door to collect whatever people sent me in a tangible format for some time now.  Reality is that most of my communication in the years since has been in a digital format, which doesn't require much physical effort at all.  I thought about a TEDx video that I recently watched about community, and how the man who was speaking talked about healthy communities having detached garages and front porches.  I also am guessing that they have mailboxes that require you to leave your home.  I think about ten people waved at me as I was getting the mail today.
The mail that was sitting around my grandma's house today was also a reminder of the importance of connection and community.  Many of the envelopes are filled with cards of sympathy and addressed to 'The Family of Helen Hurst".  Others are letters that long distance friends wrote to my grandma in the week she died, unaware of how ill she was, or, in some cases, written after she had died.  For my grandma, the mailbox was a source of information and connection with those who didn't get to drop in very often, if at all.  I wasn't surprised, but rather impressed, with the amount of mail from different states. She had friends all over the United States who wrote her letters.  I wept as I read one letter from a friend who was planning a visit on July 9 and was trying to get "her girls" together.  I wonder if the other ladies met, and I wonder if they spoke of my grandmother.

There have been a few times this week where I have wanted to visit someone or call someone as a break from work.  I immediately think of Grandma Hurst and then remember she isn't there anymore.  I hate that she is gone now that I am finally moved back home.  The irony of this just hurts.  Ever since I left for college, I have called her at least twice a week and stopped by to visit every time I came back home.  She was the steady thing that I could count on.  I knew that she would be home, or at least back home within an hour.  I knew that she would not make me feel guilty about anything except when I said goodbye she would say, "Come see me sometime."  There aren't many places where you can feel really comfortable in your own skin and for me, she was that place. 

July 22, 2012 - Finding a Groove

Now that the internet is working fine, the baby has a great daycare, and we have the basics of what we need trying to find a pattern to the work day and/ or work week might be the next thing to tackle.  However, with my husband's shifting work schedule, the sale of our house still finalizing in Ohio, the fact that our stuff is still in the old house, and my travel for work.... maybe we won't have a pattern.  Maybe the pattern will be that there is no pattern.  I can see how communication is going to be super important for our family to survive this move.  Taking my son to daycare isn't just a quick down the street endeavor, and really it is all about him.  Despite my inclination to put myself first, I know that my son and husband have to come before me, and God before them. 
The pattern today was: drop off baby, go work at Starbucks, go home to run with the dogs, shower, work at home and grab laundry, head to town and work at McDonalds, go to the laundromat, pick up the baby, grab supper for the family who just had a baby, drop off supper for them, head home to make our supper.
I managed to get work done today while I was at the laundromat, which I haven't ever been to in Greencastle.  I definitely had flashbacks to college, when I would go jogging during the wash and drying cycles so that I wouldn't have to sit around with the interesting mix of people at the laundromat.  I figured out how to safely walk/run the dogs today as well.  I drove down to my husband's grandparents house and then went on a run up and down their country road from there.  I also figured out that I could stop at the sports park on my way to or from dropping my son off at daycare.  Adaptation... it is the name of the game here as I try to keep some things that I really value in my life alive with this move. 
Today I also realized that we might eat pretty cheaply if I shop at Kroger in Greencastle.  They always have marked down produce and "odd" foods.  I found that the odd foods are the ones that we like, so today I stocked up on a variety of mushrooms to turn into a pesto and pasta dish.  Thankfully there is some ethnic presence because of DePauw University being in town, so some of the ingredients that you might not expect in a 99% white rural county are able to be found. 

July 21, 2013 - Blaze a Path

Going to church around here is like visiting multiple generations of the same family under one roof.  I enjoyed singing and the sermon this morning in addition to the walk through the neighborhood that occurs every Sunday at the church building.  Many of the people that we live near attend worship at Bethel Baptist near Fillmore.  Most of my husband's family also attends there.  The family members that I have around here all go to different places, which complicates meeting up on Sundays. Today I was able to text my mom and meet her to go walk at the sports park with my son and our dogs.
I didn't quite get my adrenaline rush from the short walk, despite the humidity.
Later, once my husband got home from playing golf for the first time in ages, I took off on a run.  My goal was to get to a country road from the main road that we lived on.  In order to get to the next country road, I had to run through thistles and weeds by the side of the busy two lane highway for about 2/10 of a mile to get to the blacktop that I ran on.

  I think that I could probably just take a push mower and cut a path to the road if the farmer let me.  Someone told me that I could just drive down to the road and park in my husband's grandparents driveway and start running from there. I might try that tomorrow because running through the thistles was a bit hairy.
Today I also stopped in to visit my husband's cousin and her family.  They live right next to us and I am happy to be this close to family finally!

July 20, 2013 - Bulk Purchases

I used to take a trip to Costco or Sam's Club whenever I felt like it. Those days are over, especially now that it takes at least an hour to get there.  Today we drove to Indianapolis with my parents in search of bulk food.  We went to two different Marsh Supermarkets so that we could get enough blueberries so that my mom can eat about one third of a pound every day until next year (160 lbs).  We then hit up Costco for a variety of produce and frozen goodies.  My son, thankfully, really liked eating the blueberries, which makes sense because I ate tons of them in my oatmeal every morning when I was pregnant.

Walker also got to watch my dad and I shuck a bunch of sweet corn yesterday that my mom froze today. He enjoyed knawing on the ear of corn that we let him have. 
The future trips that I make to the store will be accompanied by a list and a plan.  It takes too much time and effort to just run in for one thing at a time.

July 19, 2013 - Transportation and Parades

I experienced something I haven't felt in a long time today: Lack of Transportation.  I was at my parents' house with my son because we both slept there last night.  My mother had taken their van with the carseat, my husband was at work with the other carseat, my father left with his van to go fishing, and I couldn't take my son anywhere in a stroller because I just had the umbrella one.  UGH.  If I had the jogger stroller, I could have cut through the field to my cousin's house or tried to go on the brim of the highway.  It was a day spent entirely at home with my son, which I won't complain about, but I realized just how many things have to be present for any sort of travel now, living where we do.
I got to help my dad shuck corn once he finally did get home, and my son was occupied trying to eat a raw ear of sweet corn.

Everyone else got to my folks house right in time to go to town for the fair parade.  I remember going to the fair parade every year as a child.  It used to happen right around lunchtime on the first Sunday of the fair.  We would bring clothes to change into after church and sit on my Aunt Frieda's porch and collect candy and watch the spectacle.  I marched in it when I was in band and also carried some advertisements for my dad's store.  We sat on the courthouse square and got there just in time to see Clay's grandpa, uncle, cousin, and cousin's wife drive some old lawnmowers by.  The parade was actually pretty good and had a variety of vehicles and floats.

The Flater Antique Riding Lawnmower Group

We decided to head to the fairgrounds after the parade and my son ate his first Legion Burger, which the fair is famous for and is sorta like a White Castle or Krystal burger.  We also ran into my cousin's kids, and the oldest one was very proud of his projects and had to show us what he had done for 4-H.  I have so many memories of the fair and they are pretty much all positive.  The fair was very much a formative experience many times over for me.  I often think that the reason that I like project based learning so much is because of my experience in 4-H. I expect to be at the fair a few more times this week.

July 18, 2013 - Delayed

In the past, when I had an option to stay an extra day during a trip I typically took advantage of the situation as an opportunity to explore.  When I would get delayed by the airlines, I would see that as an opportunity to do more people watching.  Today, I had booked the earliest flight home that I could, only do be delayed by about 4 hours total so that my attempt to get home to see my son and husband was no earlier than it would have been if I had stayed another night and taken the next morning's flight.  Basically I arrived in Indianapolis so late that the baby and my husband were already in bed and my night owl father picked me up. 

While I was delayed in the airport, I noticed a stout woman whose hair was done up in a bun, wearing glasses and a full body cotton dress.  I figured that she might be a member of the Brethren or Mennonite church.  She seemed very tired and fidgeted a lot.  I had a moment, when we changed gates, to talk to her.  I asked her if she was alright and she explained that she was just hot and very tired from her trip.  She had been traveling for almost 24 hours straight, coming from Australia, and was trying to make it to Indianapolis to see her grandchild.  She thanked me for asking her about her well-being and I didn't think much of the interaction until I finally arrived in Indianapolis and was waiting at baggage claim. 
The lady in the long dress was greeted by a young man with a full beard, who ushered her towards one of the seating areas on the side of the claim.  There was a young woman with a super young infant nestled in her arms.  You could just make out the head of sparse infant hair.  I watched the lady in the long dress rush over to the infant, then slow all of her motion to gently caress the crown of its head as tears ran down her face.  It was such a genuine display of affection and I imagine, in that moment, all of the worry and stress of the long day of travel melted away. 
I felt sorta like a creeper as I watched the interaction between those family members, but I smiled and almost cried as I realized that those emotions are part of the reason that we are moving back to Putnam County. 
I know that my parents have that same emotion towards my son every time they see him.  They waited a long time to have a grandchild, and I really hope that he continues to bless them and us as he grows up to be a Godly man. 

July 17, 2013 - Boiler Up

I found out that one of Purdue's former basketball player's father is a New Tech teacher today and I kept an eye out for him all day.  Eventually I did run into him and I let him know that he had raised one really great kid who I really enjoyed watching for 4+ years at Purdue.  I also discovered that one of the teacher advocates in our network is my husband's cousin's father-in-law.  I imagine that there are just a few degrees of separation between myself and many of the people at this conference.
There was also a man on Bourbon Street who was wearing a Purdue T-shirt who let me know that he was in NOLA recruiting students to come to Purdue.  I am wondering how I get that job.  
I wonder if everyone is like me, asking people where they are from and making those connections.  I think not. 

July 16, 2013 - Acquaintance

As I have been here in NOLA this week, I have had numerous people greet me by name.  Some of these people I know by name and others I have no idea who they are.  I thought that coming back to Putnam County would be similar.  However, when I went to the local Walmart the other day, I only saw one person I knew.  I remember when I used to live here that I would maybe see one person I didn't know when I went to the local grocery or Walmart.  I have to recognize that my face is no longer part of the collective knowledge of the place I am living, even though they might have memory of me.  I am a name who they could associate with my family or with my Appalachian Trail hike or my sister's death.  Otherwise, I am just some stranger at the store.  The social capital I once had there is gone to some extent, but I know that I will be able to collect it again.

July 15, 2013 - NOLA

Here I am in New Orleans for the second time in my life and I wish my husband was here with me.  He lived here for a while while he was in the Navy and would be an excellent tour guide in addition to just someone to share the experience with.  However, in light of the fact that I don't think I will get to leave the hotel much, maybe it is better he isn't here on my work trip.
The first time I was here was in 2002, for the Voodoo Festival.  It was on Halloween weekend and this town was really alive.  I was visiting my now-husband and attending the music festival, but he was really hoping for more of a romantic kind of visit from me.  He wined and dined me all over town.  I got to see the sights and eat at great restaurants with him.  He even took me on an alligator cruise.  I really wasn't interested in him beyond flirting at that point in our lives.  It only took 8 years for us to finally get together after that trip.  I often wonder what turns my life would have taken if we had been more than just friends back then.  I don't wonder about that for long because reality is that we had to each go on a journey to get to where we were right for each other as a married couple, and that journey is exactly what we were meant to do.

July 13, 2013 - People Watching

There is nothing I like better than people watching.  Today was filled with great people watching.  First, at the Indianapolis Airport, there was a mass exodus of Scentsy representatives who were heading home from their convention in various levels of bedazzled garb.  Then, at the Dallas Airport there was a nice mix of all sorts of people to watch.  Finally, getting to New Orleans and the Hyatt meant more people to observe.  I like trying to figure out the story behind the person the best I can in the moment that I get to see them.  Chances are that I will never see these people again in my life, but for that brief moment we shared a space and time in our lives and an experience of some sort.
My mind often drifts to the things that stand out about the people that I see.  Sometimes it is a haircut, an outfit, a tattoo, a piercing, wrinkles, or a gait that tells me a story about that person.  It doesn't matter if the story that I make up about them is true or not because they won't ever interact with me.

One guy who was seated on the plane next to me today was very conversational (almost flirty), and we were talking about Dallas Ft. Worth Airport and I mentioned that the last time I was there was the day that Sandy Hook happened.  He said something like, "You always remember where you are when tragedy happens."  I think that is true, but I wonder why I don't remember where I was when the happiness in my life has happened.  It is seared in my brain where I was and what I was doing when 9-11 occured, when I discovered that an ex cheated on me, when my sister called and told me she had lupus, when my grandpa died, etc...  However, I don't remember the first time that my husband said "I love you", or when I got accepted to a graduate program, or when I accepted a job offer or other major happy milestones in my life.  It is like the "scars" are always there, but the "kisses" in life don't leave a permanent mark like those traumatic events.  I need more kisses with stay-put lipstick, I guess.

July 12, 2013 - Set-up

In case you ever have to move somewhere before all of your stuff is able to come with you, pack cleaning supplies and equipment in your car.  I HATE that every time I move somewhere I have bought a broom, mop and cleaning brushes so that now I own about 4 of each item.  I did have the foresight to pack come cleaning supplies, toilet paper, condiments and spices, basic eating utensils and plates, chairs, hangers (also something that I end up with TONS of because I forget to pack), an alarm clock, and a power strip.  Mom and I also hung up the curtains that I bought at the VOA store so that the whole world doesn't have to see our every move any more than they will because we are moving to the country.
Speaking of country, the people who were supposed to install the internet today rescheduled because they couldn't find the address.  They actually asked if it was in a new development.  HA!  This house is over 100 years old and these people don't have a record of it.  In addition to complications with getting the internet set up, I also discovered that I am going to have to be much more thoughtful about my trips to town.  I made a list, but then I discovered that I forgot a lot of stuff once I got home.  Driving back to the store is not as easy as it has been for the past 15 years, so I just made do with what I had.
On one of the trips to town today, I got my hair cut in time for the big conference I am going to be working at next week.  Thanks to Aunt Rita for taking time on a very busy Friday to watch my son for an hour.  I actually cried when I dropped him off because I realized that part of the reason that we wanted to move back home was being lived out in my dropping off our son to be cared for by a family member.  I also ran into my husband's grandparents at Walmart, saw an old high school friend, and had to pinch myself when I realized that I wasn't just visiting anymore.  While this community is still the same in many ways, I also know that it has changed.  Even my family has changed, as I realized again as I drove by my grandparents' home and considered stopping in, only to remember that no one lives there anymore.  Different people have moved in, others have left, and the economy isn't as strong as it was when I was here last.  I know that I have also changed.  This should be an interesting year. 

July 11, 2013 - Neighbors

Driving from Ohio to Putnam County allows ample time for reflection. Today I did the entire drive non-stop in 5.5 hours, the quickest ever.  I didn't get started until about 5:30 because of housework, job related work, and tying up loose ends at the old house.

I found out that my son thinks that my mowing the yard is hilarious, as he sat in the stroller while I pushed and bagged the yard one last time.  I also discovered that many of the neighbors were taking note of everyone who has come into my house since it went up for sale.  They all wanted to know which of the many people bought the house, and I didn't have any idea.  When a few of them found this out, our conversation pretty much ended, seeing that it was a waste of their time to keep talking to someone they would likely never see again. There are a couple neighbors, namely the Steels and the little lady next door, who I will definitely miss... but only because I have a relationship with them.
The idea of what it means to be a neighbor kept floating in my mind as I drove back home tonight.  I watched this TED talk earlier today, which is probably part of the reason it was in the forefront of my mind http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30figZ5MAbk .  The speaker in that talk said something about neighborhoods that have front porches and detached garages, which didn't make sense to me until I thought about the neighborhoods that I had recently lived in.  I had to make an effort to see my neighbors in both places, because they could just drive into their home, close the garage door, and never actually see me or me see them.  It was much more natural to interact with the neighbors in the summer, when they were outside or had parked their cars outside and might actually make eye contact with you across the street, forcing a wave and perhaps a face-to-face meeting.  In fact, the neighbors that we are closest with are the ones who had their garage too full of stuff to use for parking their car.
So this made me think about the situation where we are about to live and how people interact and form relationships.  My nearest neighbor is about a half mile away.  You have to take time to be a neighbor and then build those relationships through interactions in the community.  I think that the reason that a trip to Walmart, Kroger, the county fair, the post office, the high school football game,or even the gas station takes so long here is because you have to build in the time for building "social capital."  Even the experience of going to church fees different in the country because that might be the only social interaction that some people out here get all week.  The strength of the community in Putnam County is not build on the front porches or in the driveways of the people who live here, as it is in urban areas, but it is built through an active effort on the part of everyone to know each other and invest in each others lives. 

July 10, 2013 - Goodbye Conveniences

For the past few years, I have been able to be at a fitness class within five minutes of leaving my house.  I have also been able to drive to a Trader Joe's, Costco, World Market, and most of my other favorite stores in under 15 minutes. This past year, I have been able to WALK (or run) my son to the daycare (housed at the church that we have attended).  Today I went to the gym for the last time, picked my son up from his last day at daycare, and said goodbye to those conveniences that I have, quite honestly, taken for granted.  I thanked the yoga instructor for being a great instructor and told her where I was going.  She recommended that I do DVDs in the absence of classes since I will not be near a gym anymore.  There is something profoundly sad about doing fitness videos instead of being in a class with others.  Even if I don't speak with the other people in the class, there is something powerful about 30 people in a room all working towards the same goal.  The energy of the room and the unspoken support (sometimes spoken depending on the class) is something that I will miss.  The longer I live the more I realize that life is about relationships.  Some, like the relationships you have with people in your yoga class, are superficial and don't have much longevity.  Others, like the relationships that I developed with the women who cared for my son at daycare, are deeper but so brief that we will likely not continue to maintain them.  The relationships that matter most to me and have the greatest depth are those that I have with the people who know me best: my family.  Even though we are leaving some really nice budding relationships in Ohio, we are headed back to a place where people truly know and care about us... and will care deeply about our son as well.  Knowing that is what has sweetened the sadness that came to me as I drove away from the daycare for the last time. 

July 9, 2013 - The Fawns

The fawns of Douglas Dr.

There is a set of twin fawns who live on our street here in North Olmsted who have been making more frequent appearances as the summer has gone on.  Today I noticed that they didn't react at all to my car, to my garbage cans, or to my dogs.  They are nearly domesticated.  They are accustomed to the city and have adapted to living here.  There aren't any predators and their needs are met by the humans who continue to try to grow plants that they like to eat.  I wonder what would happen if these deer were moved to Putnam County?  Would they adapt and learn to live off the crops?  Would they figure out that cars are dangerous and that humans want to shoot them?  I imagine that they would probably get shot pretty quickly once fall hunting season rolled around.  I hope that we do a better job of adapting to the change from city life to country life than a displaced deer would.
I attempted to pack some of the essentials that we will need to live over the next few weeks today.  Mainly I accomplished this during breaks that I took during my work time and as I thought of other things that needed to go in the van.  The moving company isn't coming until the end of the month, so I just wanted to bring the basic things that we would need to eat and sleep.  As I look at the pile of stuff that I moved back into the garage from our storage unit that we rented while we were showing the house, I realize that I really don't need about 75% of the crap that I own.  I might just have a garage sale/ craigslist purge once we move.
My husband got back to Putnam County in time to check out a few daycare options today, and he settled on the one based in a church from the two that I had narrowed it down to.  I also secured an appointment with a much sought after OBGYN, bought curtains for the rental house (at the volunteers of America store here in North Olmsted), and tried to figure out which pediatrician to take our son to.  The OBGYN is a pretty big decision because this person will likely deliver any future children we may have and, in doing so, will have the authority to cut me open or let the child come out through the canal God made for it to enter the world through.  I really hope to have  VBAC if we are blessed with another child, and having an OB who is open to that is important to me.  I still find it hard to believe that Putnam County doesn't offer any pregnancy services anymore.  If you want to have a baby, you have to drive to the neighboring county's hospital unless the child is truly about to fall out of you.  The days of delivering with your local doctor are long gone in this age of specialists.  I think of the women who can't afford to drive to the next county for prenatal care.  What happens to them and their child's care pre-birth?  We do have the highest infant and mother mortality rate in the Western world.... perhaps this is partly why.  Not everyone can be born into the safe, secure environment like the two fawns in our old neighborhood were I guess... not even here in the best country in the world.

July 8, 2013 - Logistics

In addition to working 8 hours today, I also talked us out of placing an offer on a property, secured internet for the rental, and figured out the daycare situation for our son.  It makes no sense to buy a home when there is a perfectly good home in my family sitting there waiting for my mom and aunt to do something with it.  The property that we were thinking of bidding on had a house on it that we would have to almost gut to even live in it while we built another home because the owners must've smoked two packs a day in it for the last ten years.  Unless the deal of a lifetimes comes up, I think we are going to hang out on the hog farm for a while.
Speaking of the hog farm, I found out that tds is the provider of phone and internet for the property.  I am sure that I will have a review of their services soon enough, but for now the guy on the phone was super helpful and made a good impression.
Daycare is something that I didn't realize would be more expensive in Putnam County than it is here in Cleveland.  For comparable care, we would pay about $50 more a month.  I can go with a lady who takes care of a bunch of children who are all pre-K in the same room or I can go with the church who has an infant room.  In the meantime, the church tells me that they only have one slot open until January, further pressuring me to make a decision without seeing the facility. I also know that my parents will probably want to kidnap my son from time to time, so I will likely be paying for care that I don't use because everyone wants to be paid in advance for a week at a time.  I get $5000 tax-free dollars in my dependent care account to use every year and beyond that it is out of pocket.
The right home or property will happen and the right daycare will happen.  

July 7, 2013 - Last week in North Olmsted

The street in the spring, with sidewalks and crabapple trees!

I get to spend this week soaking in all of the conveniences of living in a town one last time.  Today I took a run with my son in the jogging stroller before church and then a long walk with the dogs later.  I will probably miss having sidewalks.  I also hung out on my porch and watched the neighbors work in their yards, streamed netflix and the most recent episode of Dexter, and got some of my stuff sorted for the movers.  I also headed to church for what will likely be the last service that we attend there.
I was really feeling at home at that church and building relationships with the people there, so there was sadness in my worship this morning.  Those people have seen my son nearly every week for the first year of his life (3 months inside me, 9 months out).  I'm not certain where we will attend once we are actually settled in our forever home in Putnam County, but for right now we will likely attend the local church where my husband's family mostly attends.
My husband packed up all the stuff that the moving company wouldn't take and headed back to Indiana for work this morning.  The priority was moving the ammo and guns... he barely squeezed in a bed to sleep on for the night.  He did manage to get to the rental house in time to put up a totally gawdy shower curtain with pigs and cows on it. That will not be lasting much longer than the few days I am gone.
I broke up the boredom that can come from being alone with an infant and talked on the phone with my cousin today.  Not having grandma to go shoot the breeze with every morning got to her this weekend.  I imagine this will be a tough week for her and my mom and aunt.  She wondered where she would go in the morning to chat with someone, and I should have invited her to come over to my house, but I didn't think that fast.
While I am anxious to get over to Putnam County with my husband, this week I am going to focus back on my work so that the conference duties I have next week are attended to.  The only thing I am helping Clay with is tying up all the loose ends here in Ohio and finding out which internet provider serves the rental we are going to live in in Indiana.  Oh Internet... how I have taken you for granted!

July 6, 2013 - Neighbors

Something about pulling out of my parents' driveway this morning triggered a wave of emotion inside of me.  For years, I have left their house to go back to school, leave for my home in another city, or go on an adventure.  Every time I would make sure that I swung by my grandparents' house and said goodbye to them as well.  I started doing that not long after my sister died in 1998, and if I ever forgot or didn't have time to stop in, I made sure to call them on my way or when I arrived at my next destination.  Today there was no one home to stop in and say goodbye to, and I realized that there never will be again.
The open door policy of my grandparents is unique in this day, but not unique in Putnam County.  There are many people who would think nothing of opening their home, making a meal, and halting everything they were doing if company dropped in.  It is so easy to think that whatever you have going on in your life is more important than taking time to build relationships with others, but more than likely, those relationships are going to be what is left when your busy-ness is over.  I am going to have to be a bit more careful about making sure that I am not walking around in my underwear and that my house isn't completely messy from now on because I expect people will drop in unannounced from time to time.  I might also need to stash a few "emergency pies" in the freezer to have for those guests.
Today the neighbor who we have lived across the road from for the past year stopped by unannounced and shot the breeze for a while in the living room with us.  She had collected all our mail the past week while we were gone and was delivering it and inquiring about our move.  We are going to miss the neighbors that we had in North Olmsted, as we had gotten to know them better in one year than I had in living 7 years in Indianapolis.

The house in Ohio

Clay packed up the u-haul with a bed and all the stuff that the movers wouldn't take so he can drive back for work tomorrow.  We ate Fat Heads takeout and brought the food over to the minister's house because they had a son 11 days ago and we wanted to bring them a meal and check out the boy.  Our families had just started feeling like we had a decent friendship, but now we will just watch each other grow old on Facebook and through my occasional trips to the Cleveland area for work.  Tonight we watched some Arrested Development on Netflix, which might be the last time we are able to stream video for a while, and went to bed together for the last time in North Olmsted.

July 5, 2013 - Cemeteries

You never know exhaustion until you have experienced a death in the family.  I don't know what it is about the days between a loved one's death and their funeral, but they really wear me out.  From the looks of my family at the end of the ceremony today, I wasn't the only one.
Grandma's longtime minister came into town out of retirement to preach her funeral ceremony.  He had also been the minister at my grandpa, uncle, and great uncle's funerals.  He knew the family and knew my grandmother as well as you can know someone you see about two times a month for 30 years.  I think that his familiarity allowed us all to feel at ease and he, in his usual fashion, allowed the audience to share a story about grandma during the service.  I knew that this was his style and had some things written down that I said.  Mainly I just wanted to thank my family members who lived near grandma for these last 10 or so years and had really kept her going this long.  They were the ones who took her places, filled her medicines, and checked in on her daily.  I was the one who popped in as much as I could, but was always having to leave to go back to where I lived. If it weren't for them, grandma wouldn't have been able to see my son and enjoyed him.  For this I will always be thankful.  She was so excited for me to have a child and really loved on him every time that she saw him.  I don't know that grandma had favorites, but she definitely appreciated that we named our son after her father and brother.  He actually has both of her brothers' first names in his first and middle name, and she always asked me about him before we talked about anything else. I wish she could have stuck around to see what our next child(ren) will look like, but I have faith that she will see them, just not be able to physically touch them.
The funeral was sad, mainly because so many people in the audience looked up to my grandmother and many saw her as a surrogate mother to themselves.  So few people get to live to 95 years old, so for many of the people who had lost their mother and had a relationship with my grandma, she was their mom.  The funeral home was standing room only, as I saw some of the same faces from the visitation and many who came just for the funeral.  I had the honor of being a pall-bearer, along with my husband, cousins and their spouses.  You rarely see women performing this service, but it is fitting that three women joined three men in laying grandma to rest.  She was given a military burial, complete with the guns firing, the playing of "Taps", and the folding of the U.S. flag that had been draped over her coffin.  It was the first time in 38 years of preaching that the minister had been a part of a military service for a female.
Grandma was buried in the cemetery where at least five generations of my family lay buried.  She was laid to rest at the top of the hill, next to my grandfather and my sister.  Her in-laws are buried close by, and her daughters and their husbands will also be buried there.  More than likely I will be buried there one day too, provided that there is room.  When I would visit cemeteries in large cities, there were all sorts of last names scattered amongst the gravestones.  In Putnam County, there are huge swaths of the same last names within cemeteries and even those with different last names usually have married into the family of those they are buried beside.  Even in death, family is very important around here.  I remember having a conversation with my husband about his last name before we got married.  He said that he wanted to make his last name one to be proud of and transform it from the negative place he felt it had gone in his father's generation.
Your church is also very important.... and also food.  Our family was provided food yesterday by the people who go to the church my parents attend and then today we went to the church where my grandma went after the service.  There was more food there than what I provided at our wedding. Throughout the week, neighbors and friends have dropped off food at my parents' house and my aunt's house. I do believe I would have gained weight if I hadn't run nearly every day. 
My husband and I continued to look for a home today, but really haven't found anything we want to make a commitment to purchasing yet.  I hate that our realtor has to drive so far to deal with our picky-ness, but we aren't going to settle for something that doesn't meet our needs. I have had numerous people tell me and my husband that it makes sense to move into grandma's house.  Maybe it does make sense, but there is a TON of stuff that would have to be moved before anyone else could possibly live there.  There are many memories that my mom and aunt need to go through and distribute.  There is also a will that has to be read and applied to the property.  While I would love to live there for a few years, it will take time before that could even really be a possibility.  Estates can take years to sort out, and we need to move into a place yesterday.  For now, the house at the hog farm will work and is our best option. 

July 4, 2013 - Visitation

You know you have moved back to the country when the first thing you do in the morning is go out ot pick green beans.  I then went jogging with the dogs down the country road near my parent's house while my dad and my husband snapped the beans.
Around noon everyone started to get dressed up to go to the funeral home for my grandma's visitation.  Anytime you go to church or to the funeral home, you wear the best thing that you have.... because that is how we were raised.  I know that it shouldn't matter what you wear, but I know from my years in the classroom that it DOES matter.  When you dress up, you tend to behave in a different way and people treat you differently and assume intentions that are unlike those that you receive when you are casually dressed.  The visitation lasted from 2:30-7 and the line was about 30-40 people long the entire time.  My mother and her sister never sat down.  While I knew many of the faces who came through tonight, many of them were unfamiliar.  I had a few people act like they knew me, but I couldn't recall their name at all.  I need to come up with a smoother way to apologize for not remembering who people are, as I imagine this is going to happen quite frequently from now on.
One of the perks of being back home is that I have a huge pool of babysitters to pull from.  Today one of my husband's cousins watched our son so that we wouldn't have to juggle him like my cousins were trying to do with their kids.  Even with a babysitter in the family room of the mortuary, we kept taking people back to that room to see our son.  So many people wanted to see him in person because he has become a local facebook legend and they have been watching him grow up online.
The fireworks probably happened tonight, but we were all too tired to go to town to watch them.  My grandmother didn't really like fireworks anyways, so it seems fitting that we just get ready for bed and her burial tomorrow.

July 3, 2012 - Running

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I began today with a run. Typically, I run along the sidewalks in my neighborhood or drive to a park to go on a run. Lately, when I visit my parents I have been running down one of the country roads that is near their house as I chose to do this morning.  It was overcast, humid, but windy.  The corn lined my path as the road cuts through some rather large fields.  I can’t remember the last time I went on a run and only saw pick-up trucks drive by me.  It felt great to be in the open country with just my dog and my ipod.  As I approached the property that my grandparents own on that road, I started to cry.  I thought of all the good memories that I had with my grandma and grandpa on their farm and how that farm was no longer theirs.  You really can’t take anything with you when you die, other than the opportunity for other people to meet you in the flesh.  The land that I ran by this morning is in limbo, it is owned by no one person right now.  In a way, like my grandmother, that land went back to God.  I really hope that her will is very clear about how her assets will be dispersed and I hope that Clay and I have a chance to buy that land one day. 

Post-run I spent the day running errands related to getting my child and I dressed appropriately for a funeral.  I stopped and picked up some photos I had printed for the displays that my cousin Kim and I were putting together for the visitation.  Basically we had to try to find pictures that summarized 95 years of a very active woman’s life.  What a task.  I feel like there are blocks of her life I really know nothing about, like the time from when she was about 18-28 and the time from when she got home from the war to when she married grandpa.  I found one picture of my sister and I dressed in her army outfit that brought a tear to my eye.  The time that Kim and I spent with those pictures was a reminder of how much time had passed since Heidi had died. 

I imagine that tomorrow is going to be a long day.  It is the 4^th of July and a time for many people to come pay their respects to my grandmother.  I know from experience that I need to wear cushioned shoes and comfortable clothes and have gum or mints ready.  We probably will have to turn people away as the funeral home closes.  I have endured two of these type of visitations in my life and, unless you have buried one of the most popular people in your area, you have no idea how much it takes out of you. 

What a way to get back into the flow of the culture around here.

July 2, 2012 - McDonalds

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Today was one of restlessness. I had permission to not work today from my boss, who suggested I take a bereavement leave.  However, I went ahead and tried to get at least 5 hours in from my parents house.  This meant that I had to have my co-workers call me and then put their cell phone on speakerphone so that I could hear the conversation that everyone was having on the video meeting.  One of the complications / inconveniences to moving to a rural area is that access to the internet is not equal.  My grandmother, who didn’t even use the internet, could get high speed at her house.  She lived less than a half of a mile down the road from my parents, who have to use a Verizon hotspot card to have access to the internet.  This has become a factor in our housing decision, as we realize that our lifestyle demands high speed internet.  We actually have ruled out looking at some properties because we know that they only have satellite internet. 

After doing my best to work, I met my cousin, Kim, and she and I went to town with our boys.  We ran some errands and happened to go through the drive thru of McDonalds.  The McDonalds in Greencastle is one of the busiest franchises in the country.  I would guess that everyone in this county eats there at least twice a week , based on the amount of traffic that goes through there.  We joined the masses in our quest for an iced tea and noticed that the funeral home behind the McDonalds had a procession lined up.  In one of the cars was Clay’s aunt and uncle.  We waved and then drove back around the restaurant and I got out to say hello and let them know the arrangements for my grandma’s funeral.  They were on their way to the cemetery to bury an uncle.  As I got back into my cousin’s car, I recognized that I had just experienced one of the reasons that we worked so hard to be able to move back to where we grew up.  People around here know each other deeply.  Not always because they are related to each other, but because we grew up together and have a shared set of experiences and traditions that bond us.  The “everybody knows everybody’ way of life can be annoying, but we feel the benefit outweighs the cost.  It is what we want our son to experience, as it helps with accountability and a sense of belonging, which are hard to find today.

I also got to go on a last minute shopping trip to Plainfield with my mom, aunt, and cousin.  Everyone wants to look good at the funeral and visitation.   I am still living out of my suitcase, and happen to have dress clothes, but my mom wanted my opinion so I went along.  Once again, I got to go hang out with three women who know me very well, which is why I want to be back here.  I have missed being able to take those kind of impromptu shopping trips.

July 1, 2013 - First and Last

Today is the first official day that I have lived in Putnam County, Indiana since I left for my sophomore year in college.  Sure, I have come back from time to time, but my address was always in another town.  In fact, I came back so much that some people probably thought that I never left. 

My husband started the job that relocated us back home today, and I worked from my parent’s house while we are waiting for the movers to get all of our stuff to the rental house.  The rental house is on a hog farm.  The house where all our stuff is currently sitting is in a swanky suburb of Cleveland.  There is bound to be some interesting events happen in this transition, and I hope to document them. 

Today, for example, one of the most popular people in this whole county passed away.  She was a WW2 veteran, a school nurse, politician, farm wife and promoter of 4-H, VFW member, Baptist church member, and basically someone who you knew if you had lived in the county more than a week.  She is my grandmother, Helen Reasor Hurst. This woman was my second mother, as she lived next to my parents and served as default caregiver for my sister and me when my parents were at work.  She was fiercely independent and had a spirit of adventure, both traits that I believe she passed on to me.  There have been many times in my life where I was unknown to the person I was talking to until I identified myself as Helen’s granddaughter.  She was a living legend, and now… a legend. 

I was hoping that she would live for a few more years and get to see me have another child, to see my son (named after her father) grow up and go to school, and see my husband and I build a home and grow the roots that we had in this area.  I was looking forward to stopping by her house everyday and seeing if she wanted to go get an ice cream or needed groceries.  I wanted to continue to pick her brain for information about her past.  I suppose that having almost 35 years with your grandmother is more than most people get, especially considering that she was 60 when I was born.  She would always say to “come visit me sometime” or to “hurry back” when I was leaving to go back to my home.  Ironically enough, now that I am back for good, she will be the one that is gone.  

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My heart aches for my mother, who I know is going to always wonder if she made the right call in taking grandma off of the breathing machine.  The pain that I saw in my grandmother’s eyes this morning and the amount of effort that it was taking for her to even breathe were evidence of the suffering that she had endured for the past few days.  There was no hope of healing, only prolonged suffering.  My mother made the right call.  I pray that, if I am ever in the same situation, that I will make the right decision for my parents. 

There are a few precious moments in the past few days and even today that I will remember always.  I leaned over and told my grandma that I loved her and am thankful for all that she had done for me, to which she replied, “I love you and I can’t help it.”  About an hour before she died, I kissed her, wiped a tear from her closed eyes and told her it was going to be alright.  She opened her eyes to see me and just stared at my smiling face, as I was trying to tell her how happy I was to be her granddaughter through eye contact.  As she closed her eyes, my aunt arrived and my cousin and I left the room so that my aunt and mother could be with their mom as she passed.  We both recognized that we are very much a product of the life of our grandmother, who raised two very strong women in our mothers. 

I go to bed tonight with a heavy heart, but also with a thankful one for the opportunity to live this life with the family that I have.

Helen Hurst and James Walker Henry