Grandma's longtime minister came into town out of retirement to preach her funeral ceremony. He had also been the minister at my grandpa, uncle, and great uncle's funerals. He knew the family and knew my grandmother as well as you can know someone you see about two times a month for 30 years. I think that his familiarity allowed us all to feel at ease and he, in his usual fashion, allowed the audience to share a story about grandma during the service. I knew that this was his style and had some things written down that I said. Mainly I just wanted to thank my family members who lived near grandma for these last 10 or so years and had really kept her going this long. They were the ones who took her places, filled her medicines, and checked in on her daily. I was the one who popped in as much as I could, but was always having to leave to go back to where I lived. If it weren't for them, grandma wouldn't have been able to see my son and enjoyed him. For this I will always be thankful. She was so excited for me to have a child and really loved on him every time that she saw him. I don't know that grandma had favorites, but she definitely appreciated that we named our son after her father and brother. He actually has both of her brothers' first names in his first and middle name, and she always asked me about him before we talked about anything else. I wish she could have stuck around to see what our next child(ren) will look like, but I have faith that she will see them, just not be able to physically touch them.
The funeral was sad, mainly because so many people in the audience looked up to my grandmother and many saw her as a surrogate mother to themselves. So few people get to live to 95 years old, so for many of the people who had lost their mother and had a relationship with my grandma, she was their mom. The funeral home was standing room only, as I saw some of the same faces from the visitation and many who came just for the funeral. I had the honor of being a pall-bearer, along with my husband, cousins and their spouses. You rarely see women performing this service, but it is fitting that three women joined three men in laying grandma to rest. She was given a military burial, complete with the guns firing, the playing of "Taps", and the folding of the U.S. flag that had been draped over her coffin. It was the first time in 38 years of preaching that the minister had been a part of a military service for a female.
Grandma was buried in the cemetery where at least five generations of my family lay buried. She was laid to rest at the top of the hill, next to my grandfather and my sister. Her in-laws are buried close by, and her daughters and their husbands will also be buried there. More than likely I will be buried there one day too, provided that there is room. When I would visit cemeteries in large cities, there were all sorts of last names scattered amongst the gravestones. In Putnam County, there are huge swaths of the same last names within cemeteries and even those with different last names usually have married into the family of those they are buried beside. Even in death, family is very important around here. I remember having a conversation with my husband about his last name before we got married. He said that he wanted to make his last name one to be proud of and transform it from the negative place he felt it had gone in his father's generation.
Your church is also very important.... and also food. Our family was provided food yesterday by the people who go to the church my parents attend and then today we went to the church where my grandma went after the service. There was more food there than what I provided at our wedding. Throughout the week, neighbors and friends have dropped off food at my parents' house and my aunt's house. I do believe I would have gained weight if I hadn't run nearly every day.
My husband and I continued to look for a home today, but really haven't found anything we want to make a commitment to purchasing yet. I hate that our realtor has to drive so far to deal with our picky-ness, but we aren't going to settle for something that doesn't meet our needs. I have had numerous people tell me and my husband that it makes sense to move into grandma's house. Maybe it does make sense, but there is a TON of stuff that would have to be moved before anyone else could possibly live there. There are many memories that my mom and aunt need to go through and distribute. There is also a will that has to be read and applied to the property. While I would love to live there for a few years, it will take time before that could even really be a possibility. Estates can take years to sort out, and we need to move into a place yesterday. For now, the house at the hog farm will work and is our best option.
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