The last jog with a dog

Yesterday I was running down the country road much like I always do, but with a quicker step.  I had my running partner of the past 6 years with me and the weather was great.  I contemplated running to Belle Union, but decided that I better just stay on the regular route and see how far we could get.  With every car that passed us, my heart skipped a beat, wondering if it was the car that we were waiting on.  I wanted to just run with my buddy forever and get lost in the moment of runner's high, spring in the air, and my best buddy on the leash with me.  We were both in our element as a Volvo approached and then slowed.  There were three occupants in the vehicle, one of whom I recognized as Beth, someone who I worked with when I volunteered with the doodle rescue and who had counseled me as I worked with dogs over the past 7 years.  My moment with my dog dissolved into reality.  All three of them were smiling, and I did my best to smile back.  The drove on to our house, and I had about a quarter of a mile left to decide if I wanted to go through with this.  In my heart I knew that I had already made the decision and this would be the last moment of solitude I would have with my dog, Bodzin.
I never had a dog of my own growing up, mainly because of my allergies.  When I heard about doodles, I was excited about the possibility of having a furry friend that didn't make me sneeze.  In 2007, I searched petfinder.com daily, looking for a standard poodle mix that needed a home.  I was probably trying to replace a child (that I didn't have at the time thank goodness) with the love of a dog, and I was also looking for someone to run with me.  Enter Bodzin, who I went to meet in Robinson, IL after kidnapping my Grandma Hurst and having her take a drive with me.  He looked like a bit of a project, as he was very shy and timid, but I knew when I looked in his eyes that he wanted me to be his master.  We haven't left each other's side since. Until yesterday.

It has been much harder to live without Bodzin and the patterns that he created in my day than I thought it would be.  I walked into the sunroom last night and reached down to pet... nothing.  I went to the spot where his food was this morning to fill a cup with... nothing.  I decided to do a different workout than running today because it was too much to think about running without him.  I keep looking over at the carpet, where he would always lay while I worked, and there isn't Bodzin looking at me, snoring, or chasing rabbits in his sleep.  I have known that this day would come for a while now, the first day without a dog..... but I didn't know how much of a hole would open in my heart.  I realize how much having Bodzin taught me that has made be better prepared to be a parent, including dealing with body fluids that others cringe at.  He taught me patience, to be active everyday no matter what, and he taught me that I could love unconditionally.  

In Putnam County, dogs are animals.  This means, for most people, they live outside and get a petting now and then and largely are there to serve as a deterrent for things unwanted... like people and critters.  My husband and I both grew up being taught this, but I opened up to letting dogs be more than just animals.  Now that I have moved back here, the home we purchased wasn't dog-friendly and the comfort level of Bodzin was very much lacking.  He needed to be somewhere he could lay on the furniture and be around the family and not get yelled at for tracking mud on carpet.  He needed to be around calm people who didn't travel for work all the time.  He needed a caring, approachable male and female in the house.  We didn't offer him the home he needed to thrive anymore, and those folks who pulled up in the Volvo offered him just that and more.  He will be the only child and have love in abundance now.  I will always have the memories of having a fantastic first experience as a dog owner, and I do believe that we each made each others lives better in the time that we were together.  I love Bodzin and I always will, and as the saying goes "If you love them, let them go."
In that last little bit of solitude with him
yesterday, I felt Bodzin tug at the leash, trying to get closer to the car that had pulled in the driveway.  I felt myself pulling back at first, then letting go and running with him.  It was almost as he knew a better life was right there in front of him... and I reluctantly admitted that I knew this too.